Something I Struggle With

     I haven’t been writing as much as I would have hoped. Learning to balance everything in life can be challenging. I wanted to write a little bit about something I struggle with and have always struggled with for as long as I can remember. I am hoping that by reading this, you will understand me a little better. 

     Some of you who know me may have been very surprised when you heard I wanted to go on a 9 month missions trip and I wouldn’t blame you. A lot of people I know barely even know me because I struggle with opening up and having a simple conversation with just about anyone. I have always been shy. Lately it has been more than just being shy. Now, I get anxiety from the simplest things. Especially anything that requires any kind of social interaction. A lot of times I am able to work through this but sometimes I let that anxiety control me. Sunday was one of those days. After driving a half hour for life group, I pulled up to the house and started getting a lot of anxiety and was getting really nervous to go inside. I called my mom and ended up driving the half hour back home. I couldn’t even go up to a door without overthinking. I have had a lot of moments like this growing up, where I chose the easy way out and went home instead of just going and getting through it. It always ended in regret because I am missing out. 

     You may be wondering how I am going to go out of the country for 9 months and tell people about Jesus when sometimes I can barely do the smallest thing in my own town. This is something I wonder myself but I also know that God made it very clear that this is what I am meant to do. I have no doubt in my mind that he will get me through this and everything else in my life. So if I am so sure that I can do this, then what is stopping me from doing everything else that I normally have trouble doing here? It also helps knowing that I will be spending one month on the World Race base in Georgia before I leave the country. There, my squad and I will be trained and this will help prepare us before going out onto the field. Obviously there are some things that we won’t be prepared for but I know I can count on God to get me through that. 

     If you read my last post then you know that one of the things I am hoping to get out of this trip is myself trusting God more. Something I need to learn now, before I go, is to trust him to get me through these simple and everyday situations. I need to always remember that he will get me through everything and he will never put me in a situation that I cannot handle. A small way that I have been able to deal with my anxiety lately is by reminding myself that the present is all that matters and to be thankful for every moment (good or bad) that has led me to this point. Also, when I was going through a really difficult time a verse that stuck in my mind the whole time was Romans 8:28. Because in the end, God really does work out all things for good. I may be fearful in the moment, but that is all it is. Just a moment that will pass and that he will work out. I know God will get me through my anxiety and while I can’t guarantee that I will never have another moment like Sunday again, I hope I can remember these things.

     Going on the Race may be challenging and way out of my comfort zone but I really believe that God will grow me in so many ways. If you would pray for this while I am on the Race, I would really appreciate it. 

Fundraising update: We are officially a little bit over $4,000 and I am so so thankful. This coming Saturday I will be having my worship night/silent auction and I am hoping we can increase that amount a little bit more. If you are able to come, I would love to see you there. I will be singing and speaking as well. Thank you so much for the prayers and support, I feel so blessed.