Hello again! After two blog posts since announcing that I will be SQUAD LEADING, now I get to share with you how the Lord revealed this to me.
I should probably begin by reminding you that the Lord called me to college without the intention of graduating. Of course, I knew that could have been his plan eventually, but I still never thought about it as being the end goal. With this being said, there was a lot of prayer that involved me asking God when he was ready for me to move on and the question a lot of us are likely familiar with, “what is next”. I did not ask these questions because I did not want to be there, but because I wanted to make sure my plans were always aligned with God’s. It took two years (amazing and life changing years) for God to finally reveal that he not only didn’t want me to graduate but that it was all about to come full circle.
Going into my Sophomore year of college with 2 leadership roles, I felt the Lord telling me to remain present in them by taking one semester to not pray about what came after that year. I also felt the Lord tell me that the next semester I could begin praying again, but instead of searching for an answer, I was to trust that God would make it clear on his own.
The first semester of no prayer was extremely fruitful because it allowed me to pour all of my heart into the roles God put me in. Even though I was not spending time in prayer over it, I felt my heart growing towards the idea of squad leading. I also felt an extreme amount of peace that I would be experiencing many lasts as I closed out my time at Olivet. This may sound crazy, especially because I was not praying about it during this time. However, sometimes God can still speak whether we ask for it or not. Of course, I had no way of knowing that this was truly of the Lord until the following semester.
After I returned to school for my second semester, this feeling of peace remained after I began praying about what came next. There were things that made me rethink this peace, such as new leadership opportunities, the comfortability I had felt staying there, and the community that it seemed like I had just received after praying years for people like them. There were so many different things that I desired to stay for. However, earlier that year, the Lord asked me a question, “is it a desire because of what I get out of it or what you get out of it?” Staying in the comfortability of the familiar was a desire for what I could gain alone. Yes, the Lord could have used me and done more incredible things. However, the anxiety I had felt when thinking this way was enough for me to see that staying was not God’s plan. In staying, I do not believe that much fruit would have come from it as from my obedience in this next chapter.
So, if I was to leave, what exactly did that mean? The answer was not one I had to wait long on and just as God promised, the answer was revealed to me without searching. I was reminded over and over again of the heart I was given for the World Race. A heart that had also grown for Christians who have no idea just how much more there is to Jesus. These two things go hand-in-hand because that is exactly what squad leading could look like on the World Race.
I wish I could tell you that this decision was an easy one, especially knowing the Lord was placing it on my heart. Unfortunately, it was not because there were so many fears in the way. It felt like I was FINALLY content with where I was since coming home from my first race. How could I possibly leave again, just to come back and have to readjust, again? I was also fearful of applying for this role and getting an interview just to be turned down. In addition, there were the fears I had struggled with my entire life. I knew saying yes to this required a lot of trust and surrender.
After praying through all of these things, I heard the Lord telling me to stop doubting and that all I had to do was “step out in faith”. I needed to step out knowing that whatever happened, my obedience was glorifying God. Clearly, the Lord answered many prayers. I still have no idea what my teams will look like or where I will even be going. However, I am so expectant for the ways that God will move. These fears I spoke of have no power over me. I have full trust in the power of God and his Holy Spirit to lead me through every step of this journey and my excitement is growing every day.
What I have been learning in the two weeks I have been waiting to post this, is that sometimes we can be in two seasons at once. There are seasons of mourning and seasons of excitement. I thought that I had to fully move on from mourning the loss of my community and life that the Lord has given me in these two years. I did not think that I could be fully excited or prepare in order for this next season without moving on. However, the Lord is currently teaching me what it looks like to walk through both of these at the same time. Jesus is so good through both of these.
I want to leave you with John chapter 15 verses 1-17. I want to encourage you to read these verses. I have zero doubts that God allowed so much fruit to grow in my life through these past two years. However, in order for more fruit to grow, I have to move forward and give my yes. Through this, I of course desire to see more of his fruit grow in my own life but I also cannot wait to see the fruit that will surely grow in the lives of the racers I get to lead.
Thank you for reading and supporting me. As always, please keep me in your prayers as I continue to fundraise. I have recently reached $2,024 of my $6,000 goal. This is because of YOU. Thank you so much. If you would like to help me get even closer to this goal, I will provide the link below. Until next time ✌️.
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